It's who I am.

There are a lot of blank stares and hesitation associated with the first post. This is the foundation of my entire blog. Do I waste time saying hello to the people that aren't reading this? Or do I go straight into talking about my hopes and dreams?

Let me talk a little bit about how I got to where I am today.

I never had a lot of friends growing up. I had a difficult time connecting with people on a personal level, in the sense that I never had a shade of social skills. I was an irritable and competitive child. It carried on with me through most of my life. I was on the outermost ring of most social circles, occasionally to find myself mingling with whom I believed at the time to be my friends. It never seemed to last. Does that make me a bad person? No. It really doesn't.

A lot of people believe that your ability to connect with people on this level is a determinant in your ability to provide quality patient care. It's not.

It's a different kind of connection. I have no difficulty building trust and rapport with my patients, because we always have something in common. They are in my presence because they need my help, and I am in their presence because this is who I am. I am a health care provider in every sense of the title, it isn't just what I do.

I spend my Friday and Saturday nights camped out under my desk light, broadening my intellectual horizon. I wasn't always like that. I used to go out, spend money I didn't have, and connect with people that were never really there in the first place. A big part of growing up is going out and doing things you weren't supposed to be doing, in order to figure out what you really should be doing. I didn't realize this until I hesitantly signed up for my EMT class.

I had always had this inner desire to become a doctor. I never knew why, and I never knew how much I really had to put into it.

Why did I become an EMT? I have no idea. I needed a way into the medical field, and I felt that medical school was officially out of my reach. I ran into financial trouble and figured I'd never be able to finish college and afford to fling myself into yet another circle that I felt I didn't belong in.

I was wrong.

I became engulfed in my desire to better the system. The further I moved along in the EMT program, the more I wanted to learn. I wanted to get involved in the medical field far beyond that scope of practice. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to take things one step at a time, when all you're seeing is miles upon miles in front of you?

I finished with nothing short of complete success. I passed my NREMT exam just five days after completing the program. I can't even tell you how unsatisfied I was. There was a paramedic program coming up, and I had no idea how I was going to be able to afford it. But I needed to be a part of this.

At this point in time, my only source of income is my part-time employment through a nearby Methodist church. I am a children's ministry assistant, and I have become very involved in my religion through this opportunity. The opportunity to enrich young minds on the glory that is our God, and to reach out into the community and change lives. My church family keeps me on my own two feet through my endeavors. I am forever grateful for that.

But I digress...

I applied for a career advancement scholarship through the National Association of Emergency Medical Technicians (NAEMT), in which a select few providers across the country were selected and given an opportunity to advance to the next level of prehospital care. I wrote a nice little essay, and I was so anxious to submit it that I didn't even have anybody proofread it. How stupid could I be?

There was no way. They knew I was going straight through to the next level with no experience, aside from the 75 hours of clinical ambulance observation I had to do in order to finish. All I had on my side was my desire to advance, my dedication to the medical profession, and a few references.

I was awarded the scholarship.

I am currently four months into the program. I have successfully made it through Anatomy and Physiology, Street Level Airway Management, Prehospital Emergency Pharmacology, and I am about to test out for my Advanced Cardiovascular Life Support certification.

After completing this program successfully, I plan on returning to school and finishing my BS in Biology. With my new sense of self-empowerment and motivation, I will graduate and proceed to the next level.

So, now that you're caught up, I will spend the next few nights with my face buried in the ACLS textbook, learning everything there is to know. Algorithms, concepts, and medications. Because as I mentioned previously...

This isn't what I do. It's who I am.