Another Beginning.

To any and all who read,

It's been quite a bit of time since my last post. I haven't forgotten about this original vision that I had to share my thoughts and experiences with those around me, I've simply been caught up in trying to make my other ambitions a reality. I'm still on the path of one day becoming a physician, and I'm currently about to embark on my final year of undergraduate study at my University. In the year 2017, I will be earning my Bachelors of Science in Biology, something that I have been working toward since the day I left home. 

I've been having a lot of difficulty in recent days holding it all together. Many days I've been wondering if I have bitten off more than I am capable of chewing. Most of the time I know that I have... However, all for a purpose. I know that in the end I will look back on these experiences and feel a sense of thankfulness for conditioning myself to working hard and keeping my eye on the vision ahead of me. I know that the future physician within me is already thankful of this. I am preparing myself to take on all of the challenges. 

This upcoming school year has me excited about a lot of things. I will be challenging myself both in and out of the classroom, as I prepare to take some difficult courses and begin my course of study for the MCAT. While all other years, and my collection of experiences, have been important for the journey ahead, I feel this year is more important than all of the rest. This is the final leg of the race. This is where exhaustion meets perseverance, and you show your true colors as you approach the finish. I am in full awareness that this is only the first of many races, and I'm excited as this one has given me the attitude, and the character, I will need to move forward. 

I plan on volunteering a lot during this upcoming year. While many of my medical experiences in the past have come with a paycheck, I need to remind myself that a true part of becoming a provider is not the money in your pocket. I don't want to be another number in the pool of those who have lost sight of this. 

I don't have too much more to say right now... There was just a part of me that wanted to write again. I wanted to get back to including others in my journey. I want to share my highs and lows with all who care... So they will know that I have both struggled through, as well as thoroughly enjoyed, my journey thus far. And I feel comfort in putting this into words, because there isn't a single part of this that I wouldn't want to revisit on a later date. This is my story, my life, and I want to look back on everything and remember the steps that I took when everything falls into place. A place where I find my true colors, and feels as close to perfection as one could ever hope to be. 

A blessed day to everyone. Back soon. 

We will forever be mighty through Him.

I was praying very hard today. Praying for guidance, and strength to overcome my own obstacles... And for the strength of others in my life who are amidst a true struggle. My church family is in pain, for they lost two wonderful people within the span of a couple of days.

I began to write down my thoughts, and this is what had came to me during my time of prayer:

"Sometimes we need to fully surrender to God in times of great difficulty. More than we ever have. Asking for His help doesn't depict weakness within ourselves, but strength. It's difficult sometimes for us to fully understand His plan, but our faith always points us in the right direction. If you are hurting, pray for His guidance. He will find a way to come to your aid. Don't ever live in fear of your life, for there is a reason behind your existence. He leads you to hardship in your life because He recognizes the true strength within you to overcome and persevere. Trust in Him, and do not allow your pain to mask the indescribable joy that He is continuously trying to bestow upon you. We are all His children, and like many who are blessed enough to call themselves parents, He will see you through everything. Life has a tendency to make us feel so small, but like David when he defeated Goliath, we will forever be mighty through Him."

Rest Easy, Jennifer and Gale. Be Angels. 

Learn how to navigate.

So much is changing for me right now. I've had to make so many adjustments, and frankly I am overwhelmed. Why couldn't anybody have told me that adulthood would be so exhausting? Everything seemed so simple as a child, and all we wanted to do was grow up. What are we supposed to do when we can't slow things down? How are we expected to adapt to such abrupt changes?

If you asked me ten years ago where I would have seen myself today, I'd tell you that I didn't have a clue. I figured that I would have graduated college by now, and would have been doing something extraordinary. I'd have nothing specific to offer you... But I had so many dreams.

I still have dreams. None of them are the same as they were ten years ago. And I'd be willing to bet that any of you reading this piece would agree with me that something in your vision has changed.

Does this bother you? Or have you adapted to it, and created a new life for yourself based on new visions, and found yourself completely satisfied with where you are?

If you are indeed satisfied, then I'm happy for you. I am a firm believer that this is the goal. To be happy with the life that you are living.

But let's be real... You can't always be happy. That would be too easy. There is no success without struggle and sacrifice. You don't always wholeheartedly enjoy the journey that you're on. And if you do, you're coasting.

It's alright to feel helpless once in awhile. It's a way of life. There is no way to adapt to a life that is "perfect," and it truly doesn't exist.

My life is not perfect. Sometimes I wish it was, but I honestly think that I would be miserable. Strength arises from our ability to navigate around the detours, and push through the barricades.

I have to make a lot of difficult decisions in the coming weeks. I have to navigate the detours, and push through the barricades that are impeding my journey. It's hard... But the decisions that I make from here on out will be a determinant in the path that I take. I'm at what some would consider to be a "crossroads" in my life. While it seems that many decisions that we may need to make are too hard ot deal with, nothing was ever too difficult for somebody who recognized the true value of continuous composure.

I'm patient, and I'm ready to make the next steps in my life. But there are a few things standing in between myself and the uphill battle that I have ahead of me.

But more on that later...

For now, keep your composure and learn how to navigate. Good things are always ahead of those who persist.

There is always a better perspective.

My thoughts are cloudy today. I often believe myself to be clear-headed... But tonight has been different. I'm all over the place.

The thing that has had me most irate recently has been some of the research I've been doing. I've already hit a wall with just about everything I'm involved in. It really has me wondering... Perhaps even the most motivated of individuals run into those instances where they feel as though everything has slowed down. That's how I feel right now, and I'm desperately trying to pick things up again.

I've been in search of new projects, but I'm still currently in the middle of entirely too many. Sometimes a person's worst enemy is their inability to recognize when they've taken on too much. Their inability to step back and say, "What I have here is enough. I need to solve one problem before I move on to the next. I need to finish this project before I begin a new one." This has always been a weakness of mine. I'm always looking for new ways to expand my inner-knowledge that I tend to reach system overload, on occasion. 

I need to try and look at it from a different angle, as there is always a better perspective.

It could be taken as borderline ambitious. But the position that I'm in has been so self-limiting. I want access to experimentation. I want to be able to conduct formal research and break free of the textbooks and journal articles. I want real results.

It all takes time. I understand that. But I'm so eager to get things moving in my life that my impatience become a resistance to the entire process. Because I hit these metaphorical walls, and I get frustrated. The need to find patience within myself has become essential in my life. But I never want you to think that it's easy for me, or anyone for that matter. It's just something that we need to learn. After all, patience is one of the seven heavenly virtues.

I've realized that I'm in an early part of my journey in becoming a physician, and I can already tell that it won't be easy. But I have a solid support system, a good head on my shoulders, and an eagerness to succeed. I know I will make an excellent doctor one day, and while it all seems so far out of my reach right now, it's closer than it feels. I just need to remember that it is of the utmost importance that I find patience within myself, so that when the time comes for me to live up to my potential... I'll be ready.

The sky should be your only limit.

I am a dreamer. You can look at this from one of two perspectives. It's either a character flaw, or it will act as a positive contribution to the accomplishments that I wish to achieve.

But let me elaborate.

I always play out scenarios in my head pertaining to my every day life. I always think to myself, "Well this is what I would do if this happened," or "Oh gosh, I don't even want to think about that right now." I try to eliminate the latter from my thought processes, and focus on the visions that could potentially be considered constructive.

Yesterday, I was driving my car during the transition period between class and my evening activities.

(If my mother asks, I was 100% focused on the road at all times)

I started thinking about medical school. I know what you're thinking... "But you always do this."

Calm down. I'm trying to make a point.

It's difficult for me to be patient, or focus on anything important, when all I can think about is the thoughts and feelings that I'll be experiencing when I'm holding that first acceptance letter in my hand.

It's like that feeling deep within your stomach that you used to get as a child on Christmas Eve. The anticipation of how magical the next morning is going to be, wondering what kind of pleasant surprises are in store for you. Wondering if there will be a light flurry of snow throughout the night because that's the only way your Christmas holiday could be any more perfect. It really is the best time of year. How is anybody expected to sleep or even think straight in that state of excitation? I was beginning to wonder if I'd ever be able to value something like that again.

Clearly I have. 

For now, I need to be patient. I need to apply myself in all the right areas of my life, and ever improve my chances of receiving that letter. But this is the kind of thing that I was talking about in my last post. This is the kind of feeling that you need to strive for in your life, because this is what reaching for your goals is supposed to feel like. So please, keep at it. Don't let up on the things in your life that give you these feelings.

On a more current note, I began a new piece of reading tonight. The book is called, "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. Supposedly it's main focus is to better help you lead a life of success, and teaches you how to properly interact with people to more easily and flawlessly achieve your goals. It aids you in having a higher level of influence on those around you.

An important aspect of the medical field is interpersonal communication. Patients, colleagues, fellow students... Everybody that you connect with. It goes a long way if you know how to deal with people, and speak to them in an appropriate and constructive way. I'm interested to see how this plays out, and how this new reading material will have an effect on my success in the medical field.

The sky should be your only limit. Find a new way to improve yourself every day.

Learning from failure.

Today was an off-day. For a brief moment, I felt like hanging my head. I failed one of the psychomotor stations during my midterm examination. I have seen so many successes during my time in this program, I work hard to perform at the very best of my ability. But failure happens to everyone, and it's an entirely different feeling. It's discouraging... It's enough to make you quiet. I felt that today.

But it was short-lived.

I heard the news of a young gentleman earlier today that I met back in middle school who just recently passed away from a seemingly unfortunate occurrence. It's none of my business, of course, but he was a good character. I spent quite a bit of time with him in the past... At one point,  I knew him very well.

We fell out of communication over the years...

All that there is for me to do now is tell him to rest easy, and pray for his family. He is now in the hands of someone extraordinary, and I am confident to say that he is in a better place.

It really pushes me harder to succeed. We only have a brief period of existence, and we only get so many opportunities to move forward. He will always be a contributing factor in my self-realization of this concept.

It brings me back to the topic of that one particular midterm station. But it's a much bigger picture. It isn't only about that sole mark on the single piece of paper that I received at the end of class today. It is a life concept that needs to be both taught to, and understood by, just about everyone. You need to evaluate the areas of weakness in your life, your career, or your relationships... And correct them. Because you only get a certain window of opportunity to do that.

My brief moment of failure today will teach me to become a better provider. It will pave the road that leads me to become a better person.

It was Colin Powell that once said, "Success is the result of perfection, hard work, learning from failure, loyalty and persistence."

Only those who don't know how to accept failure as a life lesson will fall short of their goals. In more than one particular instance in my life thus far, I almost allowed myself to become one of those people. I almost allowed myself to give up on my dream to contribute to the world of medicine, and told myself that it was out of my reach.

Nothing is out of your reach until you stop reaching for it, until you are no longer pushing yourself in that direction. I quickly realized this, and reverted myself back to where I should be. Because on this very day, I have never been more inspired to make the changes that need to made in my life in order to rise to the very top of my potential. It is amidst the spirit of the hardest days, and the most difficult experiences, that will either make or break you as an individual. The essence of your character is defined by the way you react to it.

I challenge you to think back to your most inspired days. What were your goals? Have you achieved them? Are you satisfied with where you are now?

If you are following in the metaphorical footsteps of your most profound aspirations, then you are on the right track. Optimize the experience and tailor it to who you really are, or who you feel that you should be. Treat it as the best thing that has ever happened to you, be passionate, and dedicate yourself to it one hundred percent. You will go very far.

If there is anything that you see yourself doing differently, don't wait. It sounds like an incredibly overused statement, and I know you've heard it before, but you may not have as much time as you think. Many of you have realized this today. Many of you may realize it tomorrow.

Make your mark on the world, and love every minute of it. Volunteer to do something different. Buy lunch for the homeless man down the road. Don't allow yourself to bypass an opportunity and think twice about whether or not you should have taken it. Make these experiences happen for yourself.

You only get one go at life...

Live. 

I will never stop moving forward.

I've learned a lot over the past few weeks during our Advanced Cardiovascular Life Support unit. I've always had a profound interest in Cardiology, so this unit was particularly exciting for me. Whether or not I end up deciding to pursue Cardiology as a specialty, it plays a significant role in Emergency Medicine. Even at the most basic level, prehospital personnel need to be able to understand the structure and function of the cardiovascular system, because it's pertinent to most of the situations we encounter. Without a properly functioning cardiovascular system, the prognosis of all of your patients is poor.

I'm particularly excited about testing out for my ACLS certification tomorrow, for several reasons. It marks the end of yet another successful unit in my paramedic program, and it's the last time I need to feel stressed out until after the Thanksgiving holiday.

I'd like to talk a little bit about what I'm thankful for.

For starters, I'm thankful for having a roof over my head, and having the opportunity to pursue my dreams. There are a lot of people who cannot do either of those things, and they have to work a lot harder than I do to pick up and move forward. Which brings me to my next point. I'm thankful for all of the people around me that consistently push their way through the hardships of their lives, just so they can live to see another day. It reminds me of what it means to be human, and that there is always a silver lining to even the darkest of clouds.

I'm thankful for the people in my life, whether they are close to me or just living in acquaintance, for allowing me to do what I do. Without a proper support system, and without those around you working in harmony to pave the road that you wish to follow, nothing is possible for you. There is not a single man or woman that has ever existed and succeeded, who accomplished everything on their own. Teamwork is everywhere, and it's an important concept to grasp.

Finally, I'm thankful for the courage that I have developed in the past few years, to continue on regardless of the difficult situations I have faced. I have never had what you would refer to as "a simple journey," and I will save the specifics for another time, as we venture further and further into my pursuits.

Many of the situations I have encountered haven't been easy, and much of what I will soon encounter will be even harder I'm sure. But one thing's for certain...

I will never stop moving forward.